eBook PDF / e-Pub Calico Jack in your Garden

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Title:Calico Jack in your Garden
Format Type:Ebook
Author:
Publisher:eBooks
ISBN:
ISBN 13:
Number of Pages:
Category:Humor, Fiction, Funny, Comedy

Calico Jack in your Garden by Karl Wiggins

PDF, EPUB, MOBI, TXT, DOC Calico Jack in your Garden Embarrassingly a number of the reviews for this book seem to involve people losing control of their bladder .

Anyone who is a bit saucy very fond of boobies and doesn t mind peeing slightly when they laugh too hard this is the book for you I have to admit that I wet myself twice while reading it but this may in part have been due to my age and a couple of bottles of a fine St Emilion Due to the laughter you owe my secretary one clean pair of knickers .

Two reviewers have even suggested I should tour as a stand up comedian .

I found myself laughing out loud and even sharing segments with my spouse I think Karl could tour as a stand up comedian Mr Wiggins has views on life that are expressed in a manner worthy of any stand up comedian .

So my scribblings do seem to raise a smile and a chuckle and either way you look at it that has to be a good thing .

I got kicked out of bed TWICE for laughing so hard This is by far one of the funniest books I ve yet read .

JFC This is soooo hilarious .

I have never ever read a book that caught me so unawares and made me laugh so much as Calico Jack I laughed and laughed so much on the train home that I had to stop reading it He is capable of making the reader cry with laughter .

There were times when I had to set the Kindle down and just laugh out loud Some of Mr Wiggins thoughts are just hilarious .

Whilst it s evident that a number of people love my writing I ve even been told by some that they settle themselves with a cup of coffee before reading my blogs Newspaper columns or Facebook posts I m very much aware that I have an inappropriate sense of humour that isn t to everyone s taste In short not everyone gets me .

Hardly any subject is taboo to the Englishman when he s laughing and this often seems insensitive to other cultures but the bedrock of the British sense of humour is a strong sense of sarcasm and self deprecation The British can be very passionate and if you doubt that try going to a football match but that passion is often hidden deep in our humour so that other nationals fail to not only recognise the deadpan delivery but are never too sure if they ve been involved in a serious conversation or just a little bit of friendly banter Having said that my style of writing is now appealing more and more to the American market .

No longer simply a fad blogging is now an important new literary innovation This book is not a story and if you re looking for a book that is all sweetness and light please give this one a miss It s not for you I won t be offended and I honestly wish you a great life If everyone likes me then I m not being controversial enough .

If you re looking for Humorous books about Life Comedy Writing or even Humorous Books for Adults then take a chance on this book .

I ve been told I write with an easy going style and a zest for living that is infectious I m not so sure about that but I have an opinion on a range of hot issues although you don t have to agree with all my views to enjoy the ride Other comments on my writing style warn that I talk to the reader with all the confidence of a man in touch with his own reality in a voice which is seasoned with a hint of world weariness that is so telling of a writer who has written what he knows and written it with disarming fearlessness And that I guess is true .

I can be a handful at times and I know it I m strong willed a bit outspoken and I write exactly what I m thinking It s not to everyone s taste but this is a book you can dip in and out of whenever the mood takes you I hope you enjoy

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Self-Publishing In the Eye of the Storm, You Really Are Full of Shit, Aren't You?, Shit my History Teacher DID NOT tell me!, Nobody Asked Me, But ...., Dogshit Saved My Life, GRIT The Banter and Brutality of the Late-Night Cab, Calico Jack in your Garden, The Opening Line, Words are our Sorcery, Goodnight, and Thanks for the Vodka
No description available, The world of the cab driver is uncertain and even dangerous populated by oddballs weirdoes comedians eccentrics head cases prima donnas and hard cases And they re just the drivers br br Enter the ludicrous humorous and sometimes violent world of the London cab driver You never know what to expect and during my years driving cabs I got myself into some scrapes br br Luckily I ve met and befriended many characters along the way and their stories deserve to be told br br In the last third of the book I recall my time spent driving cab in the projects of Watts Los Angeles home of the infamous Bloods amp Crips during the early s I ve intended to paint an ominous picture of a community destroyed by drugs guns and violence You ll almost smell the omnipresent whiff of cheap wine and feel the dirty lino under your feet br br Read the true life adventures of an English lad as he struggles to make a living amongst gangstas who are arguably the most violent in the United States br br For anyone who has puked in the back of a cab then argued over the fare at am this book is your driver s revenge I ve done my best to create a living poem that is by turns thoughtful and brutal but very funny br br People have always told me I m a natural storyteller but like every good cab driver I have an opinion on a range of hot issues from the congestion charge to Malcolm X and the Nation of Islam br br You ll be able to hear my characters see them and in some instances actually smell them They ll leave their stain on you You may well be able to relate to guys who used their fists and their wits you may laugh at their humour and get their jokes but it ll be the thugs with guns and no soul who will unsettle you I want you to be scared of them, Embarrassingly a number of the reviews for this book seem to involve people losing control of their bladder br br Anyone who is a bit saucy very fond of boobies and doesn t mind peeing slightly when they laugh too hard this is the book for you I have to admit that I wet myself twice while reading it but this may in part have been due to my age and a couple of bottles of a fine St Emilion Due to the laughter you owe my secretary one clean pair of knickers br br Two reviewers have even suggested I should tour as a stand up comedian br br I found myself laughing out loud and even sharing segments with my spouse I think Karl could tour as a stand up comedian Mr Wiggins has views on life that are expressed in a manner worthy of any stand up comedian br br So my scribblings do seem to raise a smile and a chuckle and either way you look at it that has to be a good thing br br I got kicked out of bed TWICE for laughing so hard This is by far one of the funniest books I ve yet read br br JFC This is soooo hilarious br br I have never ever read a book that caught me so unawares and made me laugh so much as Calico Jack I laughed and laughed so much on the train home that I had to stop reading it He is capable of making the reader cry with laughter br br There were times when I had to set the Kindle down and just laugh out loud Some of Mr Wiggins thoughts are just hilarious br br Whilst it s evident that a number of people love my writing I ve even been told by some that they settle themselves with a cup of coffee before reading my blogs Newspaper columns or Facebook posts I m very much aware that I have an inappropriate sense of humour that isn t to everyone s taste In short not everyone gets me br br Hardly any subject is taboo to the Englishman when he s laughing and this often seems insensitive to other cultures but the bedrock of the British sense of humour is a strong sense of sarcasm and self deprecation The British can be very passionate and if you doubt that try going to a football match but that passion is often hidden deep in our humour so that other nationals fail to not only recognise the deadpan delivery but are never too sure if they ve been involved in a serious conversation or just a little bit of friendly banter Having said that my style of writing is now appealing more and more to the American market br br No longer simply a fad blogging is now an important new literary innovation This book is not a story and if you re looking for a book that is all sweetness and light please give this one a miss It s not for you I won t be offended and I honestly wish you a great life If everyone likes me then I m not being controversial enough br br If you re looking for Humorous books about Life Comedy Writing or even Humorous Books for Adults then take a chance on this book br br I ve been told I write with an easy going style and a zest for living that is infectious I m not so sure about that but I have an opinion on a range of hot issues although you don t have to agree with all my views to enjoy the ride Other comments on my writing style warn that I talk to the reader with all the confidence of a man in touch with his own reality in a voice which is seasoned with a hint of world weariness that is so telling of a writer who has written what he knows and written it with disarming fearlessness And that I guess is true br br I can be a handful at times and I know it I m strong willed a bit outspoken and I write exactly what I m thinking It s not to everyone s taste but this is a book you can dip in and out of whenever the mood takes you I hope you enjoy, The Author s Revenge br br br A MUST BUY for all self published authors writers scribblers bloggers song writers and spin doctors br br The moment you click Save and Publish you re no longer on your own You are now connected to a huge network of hundreds of thousands of fellow writers and that feels both scary and exciting By definition writing is a solitary profession Writers need peace and quiet to gather their thoughts to research to dig deep into their subconscious for ideas Marketers on the other hand need people and the majority of authors are pretty poor at marketing and have absolutely no interest in it br br So I ve put this book together with the assistance of a number of fellow authors who ve all contributed a piece or two My objectives with this book are a to demonstrate to those just about to publish their first book the amount of work they should expect to put in afterwards b to perhaps offer direction to advise on what works and what doesn t and I guess c to establish for the reader just how hard authors have to graft to promote their work which is why I ve included pieces from various authors who all deserve my recognition and gratitude for demonstrating their often contradictory points of view What worked for some bombed when fellow authors tried the same tack so it s crucial that I m true to myself and present the Indie industry in a genuinely transparent form br br Thanks to these fellow authors who ve contributed a full between them the reader will find a variety of opposing viewpoints conflicting assessments and impressions of the industry and differing outlooks and perspectives The reader will also discover that a number of authors share identical points of experiences and viewpoints br br Special thanks to all contributors but especially Harpie for baring her soul in sharing excerpts from her wacky psycho screwball demented diaries with us You ll be hearing a lot more from Harpie in the future br br WARNING Writers can often be a precious breed of born again goody goodies Me I never ask anyone to like him I never pretend to be anything that I m not I m a handful and I know it I m strong willed a bit outspoken and I write exactly what I m thinking If strong language offends or you have an aversion to self deprecating piss taking humour then please DO NOT buy this book because I use these methods of bringing to light situations that just don t stack up I truly believe that serious issues can be approached with humour but I understand not everyone feels the same br br So what or specifically who is the Storm that the title refers to I ll tell you The Storm refers to a group of people who have no issue whatsoever with an artist hiring out a gallery and displaying his paintings They don t mind if a chef opens a new restaurant by inviting local residents to an opening night special or a beautician promotes her services with the use of posters and referral specials for nails waxing or sun beds They don t even mind a scuba diving club offering come and try it sessions And they certainly don t object to a local swing band or orchestra advertising an upcoming concert They don t even mind their friends trying out a recently acquired capacity for wine making on them br br BUT if a hard working author does similar if he she promotes the book they ve slaved over for the last year this relentless and insidious enemy of all honest scribblers will have that poor author in their crosshairs in a New York heartbeat br br If you re the Storm you ll recognise yourself here